Sometimes looking at it in a different context is the beginning of something far better than you imagined. It took me the longest time to finally be OK with the idea that situations happen for you and not to you. Many times I thought that I had fully processed a particular event in my life, but it came back, seeping into comments I said to friends or how I responded to a present-day situation. Now, after 10 years - a decade of trying to understand - I feel I have a stronger grasp of why. The how’s and what's, the factual questions with the factual answers, made sense, were easily accepted. But the why's, those were the ones that I returned to no matter how much I assumed, the thoughts that haunted me during the daytime. The tracks in the sand felt relevant because I grew up believing that if I followed a certain path, it would end up in the expected destination. But, there are steps outside the track that left a deeper impression. No one really tells you about those missteps but they were mine. I can look back on it now without anger, remorse, resentment, pity, pain, heartbreak because whatever gaping hole it left inside me has been filled with something that is just as good - maybe even better.